Couples therapy – the DIY model

July 11th, 2023
5 ways to have a healthy relationship if your relationship struggling

“Behind every great relationship are difficult and uncomfortable conversations we rarely get to see. Great relationships don’t just fall into our laps. They require people to move through their fears and insecurities and do the hard work to move wounds into healing.”
Vienna Pharaon

5 ways to have a healthy relationship

Is your relationship struggling? Maybe you feel like it needs a bit of help?  Couples therapy can be an extremely effective way to take a deeper look into the issues you’re experiencing with a view to improving the connection you share and your happiness as a result, both as a couple and as individuals. 

Here at The Therapy Room, we provide a safe, non-judgmental, and empathetic space for you to delve deeper into your relationship alongside a trained therapist – something that can be highly insightful and hugely beneficial. 

However, you may not yet feel ready to seek professional help and some couples may consider a do-it-yourself (DIY) approach to therapy, seeking support through books or online resources, articles and courses. 

Five things you can do from the comfort of your own home to improve your relationship

  1. Make the effort to approach arguments in a healthy way

Every couple argues. It is normal, natural and actually quite healthy to have the occasional disagreement. However, some disagreements can often descend into unhealthy arguments which focus on both sides trying to “win”. By making an effort to see a disagreement as “us vs the problem” as opposed to “me vs you”, arguments can be reframed into working together to solve an issue that is affecting your relationship in order to make it stronger, as opposed to a situation in which you are both on conflicting sides of a battle. 

  •  Write an appreciation list for each other

Spend some time writing down all the things you appreciate about your partner. This helps you both feel valued and builds confidence in yourselves and in the relationship. 

  • Set aside time for just the two of you

When you have been together for a while, daily life often gets in the way of your ability to set quality time aside for just you and your partner. This is especially true if you have children or a demanding job. However, by making a conscious effort to set aside time every week for each other, you will ensure your connection as a couple remains alive and healthy. 

  • Work on stresses outside of your relationship 

Whether it’s issues at work or paying household bills, stresses can put a strain on your relationship. By identifying the things that are making you stressed and regularly communicating them to your partner, you can work on tackling these issues together and coming up with the best solutions for them as a team. 

  • Make plans for the future 

One of the best ways to bond with your partner is by making exciting plans and trying new things together. Whether it’s booking a holiday, visiting a museum, trying out a cooking class or researching new walks you can take together, making plans gives you something to look forward to and allows you to spend quality time with each other.

Limitations of the DIY model

While the idea of DIY couples therapy from the comfort of your own home may seem appealing, it’s important to recognise its limitations and the fact that it may overlook underlying issues that require professional expertise to identify and address.

One significant limitation is the inherent bias in self-help resources. When reading relationship advice in a self-help book or engaging in DIY therapy, couples may interpret the material based on their existing biases and assumptions. These interpretations can be influenced by personal experiences, cultural backgrounds, and past relationships, potentially leading to misinterpretation or misapplication of the information.

Self-help resources also often provide generalised strategies that may not be applicable to every couple’s situation and which don’t take into account that every couple is different with their own unique complexities, issues and life experiences. 

The DIY model can be a useful start however it’s not a substitute for the personalised guidance and tailored interventions that a trained therapist can provide.

Taking the next step 

Making the decision to engage in couples therapy is a big step but it’s something that demonstrates the love you have for each other and a mutual desire to make positive changes to your relationship. 

Here at The Therapy Room, we know how important it is to provide a safe space where both people can speak and be listened to without judgement or bias. 

We know that a “one-size-fits-all” approach isn’t effective and instead, spend time getting to know the people who come through our door in order to recognise and challenge unhelpful patterns, explore underlying issues, and guide the process of healing and growth. 

At the Therapy Room, we want to get you and your relationship back to good, whatever good looks like for you. We encourage open communication and honesty in order to make way for a healthy and pleasurable intimate connection, in whatever form that takes.

Founder Jay L Pink Ad.Prof.Dip MBACP PC MNCS (ACC) established The Therapy Room to offer high quality, expert counselling and therapy services to people of all ages, as well as to couples for relationship and partner counselling and groups for corporate and family therapy. Jay’s commitment to anyone visiting The Therapy Room is to unconditionally respect values, lifestyle, background and beliefs, offering a discreet and professional service tailored to their needs.

Therapy is held either in-person at The Therapy Room in Northampton or online. 

To organise a booking, please visit our bookings and payment page.