Why did they do it? – reasons for infidelity

December 28th, 2022

Emotional affair signs and reasons

There are many reasons as to why someone may be unfaithful in a relationship or exhibit cheating in marriage, and while their actions can be hurtful, it is important to understand why someone might feel the need to engage in this behaviour as well as looking for emotional affair signs.

Lack of communication

One of the most common reasons for the breakdown of a relationship is a lack of communication, which as a result can lead to behaviours such as infidelity. When those in a relationship cease proper communication, it is harder for all parties to keep in touch with one another, to maintain a strong bond and understanding of one another, what they need and what they want from the relationship and, subsequently, their lives together.

When partners stop talking to one another and listening to the needs of the other(s), this is a sign that a lack of connectivity is starting to form, which if left untreated can grow into a bigger issue for the relationship.

The importance of communication with partner(s) cannot be stressed enough when it comes to forming a strong, healthy relationship – we are not mind readers and without checking in with one another, we cannot keep the waters calm.

A feeling that something is ‘missing’

Sometimes as relationships progress, it can be evident that something is ‘missing’ or ‘lacking’. It can be hard to pinpoint exactly what this is, and should this feeling start to arise, it is vital that you sit down with your partner and talk about this feeling before it grows further.

A conversation with your partner will often give you time to reconnect and let them know if there is anything you would like to change or add to the relationship – for example more regular date nights, a more equal share of housework, more emotional support, regular intimacy, etc.

However, it can be hard to tell people what you need and seeking this connection elsewhere can sometimes feel like the easiest option. If you are unhappy in a relationship and want to end it, or if you believe the relationship is worth saving but would like some things to change to ensure a healthier partnership, reach out to your partner and loved one. Allow a trained professional to help you navigate this difficult time.

A lack of fulfilment

There are several reasons that may lead to feelings of unfulfillment in a relationship. Some of these include failure to meet intimacy or sexual desires, a lack of emotional support, a relationship that may have fallen into a more mundane or monotonous routine, not spending enough time together or not engaging in exciting activities or hobbies with one another.

Difference in views and opinions

The more we get to know someone, the more things that can arise that we perhaps don’t like or agree with. They may have different or troubling views and opinions on certain matters or may just have views which do not align with our own. Everyone is different, but despite this fact, it can still be hard to acknowledge or accept views that differ from our own.

This frustration can grow, and rather than facing these issues it can sometimes feel like it would be easier to just seek a fulfilling relationship elsewhere. To avoid hurt or disruption, the best way to tackle these issues is to talk through them with your partner and perhaps even a counselling professional to give all parties insight into the thoughts of the other(s).


Long distance relationships or considerable lengths of or regular time spent away from our partner is renowned for breeding infidelity. Long periods spent physically apart can make intimate fulfilment and physical comfort feel particularly lacking – humans are inherently physical beings; we need physical contact to thrive.

If you are in a long-distance relationship or must spend regular time away from your partner, it is important to check in with your partner often and make extra effort to bridge some of the physical distance. A counselling professional can help both you and your partner discover ways to make a long-distance relationship easier to navigate.

Falling out of love

Sometimes, we simply fall out of love with a person. It can happen, and it is vital to acknowledge this with your partner rather than letting things grow and fester. This will only breed contempt. If you are having feelings of falling out of love or not wanting to be with your current partner anymore, rather than seeking comfort (in whatever form) elsewhere, speak to your partner about your feelings and get some advice or support from loved ones or a counselling professional on how to navigate this if needed.


Our own insecurities can really get in the way of our happiness. They can make us act in strange and irrational ways, when more often than not it is our own brains lying to us and telling us we are not enough.

When these feelings hit, it can be easier to seek shallow validation elsewhere rather than to tackle these issues head on. If you or a partner are experiencing feelings of insecurity in whatever form, seeking additional help can aid you in working through these issues in a healthy way so that they don’t affect your relationships to the same degree.

Trauma and loss

When one or all members of a relationship experience trauma or loss in some way, it can change the dynamic of the relationship significantly. It can become harder to reach your partner or communicate and articulate your feelings and emotions with one another.

After experiencing trauma, our behaviour can change – sometimes we may become more insular, or perhaps more reckless and self-destructive, seeking short highs and excitement to quell the darker feelings.

In the event of a trauma in a relationship, seeking professional advice as well as additional support from loved ones can be extremely beneficial. It can be hard to stay connected and congruent with your partner when traumatic events occur, and so having others help to facilitate this communication can be a great option.

Addiction / Crime

When people in relationships enter addictive behaviours or engage in criminal activity, it can cross a line with their partner. It can be extremely difficult to reach someone when they are engaging in such behaviours, and so communication can breakdown and a conflict of morals can make dealing with this person difficult.

It can feel impossible to help someone who is deep in destructive self-behaviours, and so it can lead people to seek support and comfort elsewhere.

It is vital to seek professional advice and guidance on how to navigate someone who is presenting with addictive or criminal behaviours to keep everyone involved safe and well.

More unsavoury reasons

Unfortunately, there are sometimes more unpleasant reasons behind infidelity. Being unfaithful can come because of a partner who wants to enact some kind of revenge for whatever reason, perhaps someone is unhappy in the relationship and rather than communicating this chooses to sabotage the relationship though infidelity, and sometimes in particularly tumultuous or, in some cases, abusive relationships someone can simply want to hurt or upset their partner.

Whatever the reason that infidelity has become apparent in your relationship, the Therapy Room is here to listen. We want to get you back to good and start the process of talking about and exploring the issues which have led to your current situation.

You may decide that couples therapy would be the best option for you and your partner, so that you can both discuss your needs, wants and concerns in a shared, open space. Or if you prefer, there is also the option to engage in individual therapy, giving you complete privacy to discuss any issues with your therapist, giving you a great understanding of yourself and empowering you to stand on a solid foundation as you navigate any relationship issues.

We are here to help, so if you feel you would benefit from counselling, get in touch and let’s face it together.