Defining infidelity

Infidelity is one of the leading causes of the breakdown of relationships and a dismantling of trust amongst those involved. When someone is unfaithful to their partner(s), for whatever reason, the line of open communication and honesty has been severed and so regaining and rebuilding the trust of a partner may require some work.

At its core, infidelity in a relationship can be defined as engaging in acts of a romantic or sexual nature outside of the knowledge or consent of an intimate partner. When a relationship is forming – from the early stages of friendship, the times in between, all the way to a fully fledged committed relationship – it can be difficult to know where you stand with a partner without open communication.

It is important to keep talking to your partner throughout the various stages of romantic involvement so that all parties are aware of the other’s expectations, needs and wants. Maintaining a good level of communication with your partner will avoid unwanted confusion about relationship boundaries, as well as maintaining the health and happiness of the relationship, thus reducing the risk of infidelity by understanding issues at smaller more handleable stages.

It is sometimes thought that infidelity is more dangerous when purely sexual, this is not the case. While sexual infidelity can be amongst the hardest to overcome due to its extremely intimate nature, infidelity can have layers, and can include any romantic or intensely emotional acts which occur outside of a committed relationship. Emotional infidelity can include talking intimately, dates, non-sexual intimacy such as kissing, hand-holding and general physical closeness, in-depth emotional support/guidance and so on.

By engaging in these acts, a person is breaking a promise (whether solid of unspoken) to their partner that they would only engage in these acts with them and them alone. Seeking romantic or excessing emotional fulfilment outside of a relationship can give the impression to your partner that they are ‘not enough’, which can feed into their insecurities and make them feel unwanted or lacking in some way.

Infidelity is colloquially referred to as ‘cheating’, evoking the idea that being unfaithful is a way of cheating out of the long game. It is no secret that relationships can hit rocky points, become a bit slow or stale, and it can require a lot of effort and dedication to keep a relationship afloat. By breaking trust through infidelity, it can sometimes be viewed by a partner as a lack of willingness to try and save or build on a relationship, that when the water gets a bit hot it is easier to get out than to work through it. The ultimate statement of; “I’m committed to you…”

People can be unfaithful for a number of reasons, for example, additional strain on the relationship such as work, money, trauma or loss, a feeling of ‘missing something’, they are engaged in an unhappy or unhealthy relationship where their needs are not being met, the temptation and excitement of something ‘off limits’.

There are a multitude of reasons as to why someone might be unfaithful, and it is important to look at all sides of the relationship to see where things have gone wrong and if there is anything to be done to fix it.

Here at the Therapy Room, we recognise that recovering from the infidelity of a partner can be difficult. The trust and bond between partners has been broken or badly damaged, and rebuilding this bond can take a lot of work.

We are here to support both you and your partner in getting you back to good, by providing a safe, open and non-judgemental space in which to voice your worries and concerns, and to start working through them in a healthy way. Whether you want to try couples therapy or would rather speak through your troubles individually and privately, the Therapy Room is here to support you in finding the best way through for YOU.

Our therapeutic approach is based on the understanding that people are complex and lead complicated lives. It may be that you require a shorter-term solution to an issue, or it maybe you are considering longer-term, on-going therapy. Tailored to your personal needs, The Therapy Room in Northamptonshire and Milton Keynes makes a commitment to structuring and working for you as an individual.

Called Integral Psychotherapy, this approach embraces a combination of methods for a complete view of your development. It’s about considering your emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual self, as well as the social and cultural impact of your world and lifestyle.

A healthy, loving relationship takes time, attention, and effort. By helping couples realise what’s unspoken in the relationship, couple counselling can re-establish an open and honest, calm and loving connection. Whether your relationship is simply not what it used to be, or you are close to parting, a breakdown does not have to mean a breakup. Finding love again in your existing relationship is possible.

It may be small, niggly things impacting your relationship, or it may be that your relationship is close to ending and you want to try one last time to stay together. You may have had a relationship end badly and want to get help for future relationships. Or even part safely, kindly, thoughtfully.

Often the stresses of life together – be it money, family, children, loss, or trauma – can put huge strain on relationships. Sometimes issues from childhood are carried through to adulthood. Communicating together can mean it’s possible to feel happy and fulfilled together again. Your therapist can help you resolve anger and hurt, conflict and frustration, showing you how to talk and listen to each other.

The first step after you contact us (whether by phone or email) will be a brief telephone conversation or email exchange with a therapist. This is so you can raise any questions or concerns and share a little about your situation. Each engagement is conducted in strict confidence.

Your first session will give you the chance to talk freely in a calm, quiet and completely confidential environment.Following this, you can choose whether to continue your session. It’s designed to give you freedom of choice and to ensure you are comfortable talking with your therapist. Also, you’ll be advised of a recommended pattern of meetings, or if another therapist would be best for you.

We usually suggest a one-hour session every two weeks to begin with. It’s best you find a day and time that is easy to attend, that fits into your life. How often you come to see your therapist may change later. Most importantly, you choose when and how often your sessions take place.

The next few sessions may include an exploration of your early life to help understand problematic or limiting ways of thinking and behaving with the ultimate goal of achieving greater self-acceptance. This is likely to be part of longer-term therapy, which for some will remain open-ended until it feels as if some resolution has been reached. For those seeking short-term therapy, lasting for around 6-12 sessions, a more solution-focused, structured approach will be appropriate, incorporating specific tasks and homework between sessions.

During your first few sessions, your therapist will discuss the length of therapy that’s appropriate for you and ask you what it is you hope to achieve from therapy. Using the Integral Psychotherapy approach, which is designed to support your growth and change, this form of counselling includes Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), Systemic and Constellations approaches, Existential and Psychodynamic Psychotherapy, as well as Gestalt.

Founder Jay L Pink Ad.Prof.Dip MBACP PC MNCS (ACC) established The Therapy Room to offer high quality, expert counselling and therapy services to men and women of all ages, as well as to couples for relationship and partner counselling and groups for corporate and family therapy. Jay’s commitment to anyone visiting The Therapy Room is to unconditionally respect values, lifestyle, background and beliefs, offering a discreet and professional service tailored to their needs.

Couples counselling is held at The Therapy Room in Northampton. A safe, calm and balanced environment where couples can take time together, couples therapy can restore a healthy loving relationship. For a session of 50-60 minutes per couple, £90.00 is payable at the end of the session. 80-90 minute sessions are also available at £120.00 per couple.

To organise a booking or arrange payment, please visit our bookings and payment page.